Last week, I shared on Instagram how difficult it is for me to make mom friends. I shared a story about meeting a mom at the playground, having a nice conversation (in which I realized we had a lot in common) and then left the playground without a means of follow-up. I didn’t want to ask for her phone number and look super creepy, so instead, I grabbed my kids and walked away kicking myself for not “closing the deal” as Alex says.
I had such a huge response from other moms who shared with me their similar experiences and asked if I would share any tips I came across. So this post is for the introverted mom (much like myself) who needs a few tips on how to spark up a conversation and find those friends you are in desperate need of.
So…. as promised, here are my tips on how to make mom friends:
Be Yourself
We all want to show the best side of ourselves, especially when we’re mom dating. The funny thing is that kids have a way of saying and doing things that make our “best mom” persona go right out the window. At least mine do. Don’t try to look like you have it all together, because we all know as hard as moms try, we don’t. We forget the snacks, leave the extra diaper at home, we miss nap times, forget to gas up our car, show up late, don’t bring the right shoes, we watch our kid fall off the swing, we see them eating dirt, and realize we don’t have a change of clothes as we’re seeing the poop explosion creeping through the cutest pair of baby pants. I’m just speaking from experience here friends. You’re better off being yourself in all that you do because chances are the mom you’re currently talking to can totally relate.
Exchange contact information
This is where I struggle. We have great conversation, find out we have a bunch of things in common and then walk away without getting each other’s contact information. You can ask for their Instagram handle, ask if they’re on Facebook or get their phone number for a quick text. If you’re anything like me, you may want to have “mom cards” or business cards accessible so you can hand them out. Whatever you do, don’t leave without having some sort of way to contact each other.
Find common ground
Other than your kids’ poop or your episiotomy, find other topics of conversation. Do you guys have something else in common? Do you guys like essential oils, scrapbooking, blogging, or are you a CEO working mom who is kicking butt and taking names? talk about what you do, and ask questions. Maybe you’ll find something you guys can both talk about other than your absolutely adorable babies. Also, keep in mind that you’re never going to find that perfect friend we are all looking for. There are things you both may not agree with, but in there lies the beauty of being a good friend.
Meet up for a short time
When you get a chance to meet up, set a time stamp on it. That way, there’s no pressure on staying until all of the meltdowns begin. Also, if by any chance things are not going well (ex. their kid keeps throwing sand at your kid and the mom won’t say anything about it… true story) you know you’ll have an out without seeming rude or awkward.
Meet up without your kids
I know this isn’t always feasible, but a cup of coffee and conversation goes a long way. If you can find a few moments to invest in a relationship, go for it! This will allow you to focus on the other person without having one hundred interruptions. Also, there’s nothing like enjoying a hot cup of coffee from start to finish.
It’s not all about you
Most of the time, we are looking for friendships that we can benefit from. It can be great conversations, inspiration, entertainment for your kids etc. All those things come with friendships but instead of asking how WE can benefit from a friendship, we should try and find ways to invest in others. If you approach friendships thinking of how you can make the other mom’s life better, you will always leave knowing that you are fulfilling a greater purpose. Find out how you can serve them and use the time you have together to be an encouragement.
Give Grace
I have to be honest with you guys. Sometimes I just don’t want to talk to anyone at the playground, gym, coffee shop, hair salon or my local Target. Some days are rough and a little mental time out is what I am really in need of. On those days, I’m sure that I have a huge ANTISOCIAL sign on my forehead and I just don’t want to talk to anyone. So, when I’m out and about wearing my social butterfly wings and I see a mom who is standoffish or uninterested, I don’t take it personally. Same goes with a mom that shows up late, or looks frantic or shows up crying. We’ve all been there and a little grace may be all that she needs.
Show up
So you put yourself out there, made plans and now the day has come. If you’re anything like me (full-time introvert) you’ll back out at the last minute. Unless it’s really necessary, don’t back out!!!! Just keep reminding yourself why you set up the playdate to begin with, and that you’ll never build community unless you TRY. The playdate may be the worst ever, but it may also be the best thing that happened to you all week. Go for it friend!
So that’s it friends…. a few tips on how to make mom friends and hang on to them for dear life.
