Some people are really good at winging things and allowing “the cards to fall where they may.” I’ve always admired those people and deep down I have always wanted to be like them. They’re the kind of people that drop everything and backpack through Europe. They’re the ones that live simplified lives and everyday is up for grabs… nothing’s set in stone. I am NOT one of those people. I’m not good with the unknown. I’m a natural planner and I thrive on set goals and strict deadlines. In fact, being goal oriented is one of my all-time strengths and for some reason I can’t seem to pinpoint what my goal is right now.
I think it comes from the fact that I do not have a defined role. For the longest time I’ve been a student of some sort, and now I am out of school, with a nursing license and no employment. I know that we find our identity in Christ, but that’s not what I am referring to. I’m referring to my occupation. The answer to the “what do you do?”
Our hopes and plans have always been for me to work as soon as I got out of school, but timing is not on our side right now and there’s a clash between our family growing and me becoming employed. I have gone to three very successful interviews and have allowed my confidence to speak volumes. However, my roaring confidence tends to get bulldozed by my poking belly time after time.
So here I am, in limbo, waiting for a defining goal to catapult me into this next stage. Not having a handle on this has me on a whirlwind of questions with no answers. Has our timing been off? Should we have waited longer to have baby #2? Should I continue to apply for employment or should I throw in the towel until after the baby’s born? Am I hurting myself by interviewing pregnant? Am I burning bridges? Am I full-time mom now? is that my occupation? Is that what I should focus on? If it is I am completely OK with that but what do we do when our merciless school bills show up at our front door?
All I need is a little clarity. Direction. Definition?
Maybe I just need to remind myself that this is just for a season. That pretty soon things will clear up and I’ll know exactly what my occupation is. Maybe I just need to live the life of the backpacker and just trust that He will sustain us and work everything out for our good. Maybe I need to focus more on the here and now. On my growing belly and my very energetic two year old. Maybe this is my occupation….
Maybe I’m in this limbo for a reason. Maybe?
I often feel the same way. Unless you are a manager, most people assume retail workers are in school (umm, yeah graduated five years ago!). I get encouraged when I hear successful people (often in the arts) who had completely separate careers before they landed where they are today.
God has a reason for everything lady 🙂
Ah Tere, my word you are so worked up?! What is the nursing License An LPN or RN? Nursing Assistant? Clue me in? Home Health care an option? Private Duty an Option? It depends on License? Tell me what you hold in the way of a Fl. License? I will communicate ideas to you! Cheryl
I love your honesty. It’s a hard place to be where you are at right now. I can tell you are seeking. It is a challenge to be still and wait. During the waiting period we must rest assured that He will reveal His plan for us in due time. It’s not easy figuring out the road that God has planned for us. What are you doing God? The great news is – He is up to something!!!! Hang in there. I look forward to reading your future posts and seeing what God has in store for you.
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Lisa, Thank you for your kind words of encouragement. I am in a weird “waiting” period and I find myself having to remember not be anxious. Your comment means a lot! Thank you!