Motherhood: Mommy wars and a FREE printable

Last week, I met up with a beautiful group of girls for a book study. I jumped in the study a bit late, but we’re going through Mom Enough. The Fearless Mother’s Heart and Hope by Christina Fox, Gloria Furman, Christine Hoover, Rachel Jankovic, Rachel Pieh Jones, Carolyn McCulley, and Trillia Newbell.  In the book, the authors discuss different motherhood struggles and trials that they have faced and are currently facing.  Last week’s topic was on mommy-wars and the impact judgement (from other moms) has on our everyday life.

We are all judged in one way or another and we are all guilty of judging other moms because they don’t parent the way we do.  The first time I felt the impact of mommy-wars was when Alex and I decided to induce Grace’s labor.  We were are 39 weeks and I had exactly two weeks of spring break to have her and head right back to my second semester of nursing school.  At the time, and given our circumstances, it was the best decision for our family.  Needless to say other moms were not thrilled about the idea and made their points known without regards for our fragile state and our decision.

For me, the mommy-wars continued on when it came down to our decision to formula feed Grace vs. breast feed her.  Although I do believe that under perfect circumstances breastfeeding is the best option, at the time, it was not something we could do.  I was in school all day long and pumping at 6pm while trying to cook dinner and cramming for my next big test left me with no time to spend with my little girl and my hubby.  So, we opted for the next best option and looking back, it was a great decision.

Although I have been on the receiving side of the mommy-wars, I am also guilty of doing the judging.  I know I didn’t believe it either… but it’s true.  I’ve said things like “you let your kid eat those crackers off the floor?” or “You’re still breastfeeding your two year old?” or my favorite “Why isn’t your three year old potty trained?” and I’ve given plenty of judgy side-looks when seeing kids roll around the church floor or worse walking barefoot! eeww…

I left the book study both convicted and encouraged hearing that I wasn’t the only one feeling this way.  We were all guilty of it, and we were all negatively affected by it. But it doesn’t have to be this way.  Maybe we can all take a step back and realize that we are all moms wanting the absolute best for our children. We are all fighting for and praying for our children’s souls and if we chose to homeschool or breastfeed our kids until they’re 4, it’s because we genuinely believe that it’s the best thing for them and the truth is that we shouldn’t be judged for trying our hardest to be good moms.  We should find rest in knowing that God is ultimately in control of our children’s lives and that wether they’re eating cheetos off the floor, or only having grass fed beef HE is the one who is going to direct their steps.

But it doesn’t have to be this way.  Maybe we can all take a step back and realize that we are all moms wanting the absolute best for our children.

Here’s an excerpt from the book:

“So-called mommy wars have no place among Christian sisters. Christian mothers are weak and needy for one another. Like the faithful Canaanite mother, we approach the Savior on our knees, saying, “Lord, help me” (Matt. 15:21–28) at is the posture of the needy, Christian mother.

We cherish the shed blood of Jesus Christ who cleanses us from our sin and we live peaceably with one another because of the cross. Moreover, we love to boast all the more gladly of our weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon us!

We approach the Savior on our knees, there empowered to “put away all malice and all deceit and hypocrisy and envy and all slander” and “consider how to stir up one another to love and good works” (1 Pet. 2:1, Heb. 10:24). Instead of taking the next shot to slander a mother who does things differently, Jesus gives us the grace we need to adorn the gospel. Jesus gives us the grace to be reverent in behavior, teach what is good, train young women to love their husbands and children, be self-controlled, be pure, work at home, be kind, and be submissive to our own husbands (Titus 2).”

…Therefore, the real mommy wars are not against other people and their parenting styles, nor even against Darwin, Sanger or those who promote similar ideologies. As Ephesians 6:12 says, “we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.” The real mommy wars are spiritual…”

How amazing would it be if we just showed each other some grace rather than slander one another about our parenting styles?  How about we embrace new moms and welcome them into our family of mothers with open arms rather than bombard them with parenting advice?

Can we make it a point to love on each other? to pray for one another? and to be an encourager rather than another judgmental person in their lives? Who’s with me?

Here’s a quick little project and FREE printable to help you be an encouragement to another mom:

It’s a simple matching game that helps you take the guess work out of how you can be an encouragement to another mom.  Do you know a mom with a new baby who could use some coffee? Do you have a pregnant friend who may need an encouraging text during these tough months?

Lets strive to be an encouragement to one another, to “stir up one another to love and good works” (1 Pet. 2:1, Heb. 10:24) and lets put an end to the mommy-wars!